Jason Levin, LCSW - Blog

Having It All Figured Out . . . I Think?

1/11/2018

Okay, so initially I wanted to jump on this in the beginning of the school year, but life got in the way as it tends to do. Now that it’s a snow day, it gives me a little more time to putting words to this idea. And if I can’t do it at the beginning of the school year, then why not do it at the beginning of the calendar year?!?! #excuses #procrastination
I grew up in a place called Columbia, Maryland. Like other kids, I imagined that I’d grow up to be a football player (height/weight/athleticism/talent were the only things standing in my way). Later, after talking with my friend in fifth grade whose dog had died, I thought that maybe I wanted to be a therapist. I found out that it meant even more school after college, so I decided against it. Then I started pretending I was funny, and people started laughing. So I, naturally, was certain that I was going to be on Saturday Night Live and be a world-famous comedian. I applied to one school, an acting school you’ve never heard of, in New York. I got in, and I entered the comedy scene. Turns out that wasn’t for me even though I would’ve bet my life on it back when I was a senior in high school. I thought that I had it figured out, and I was wrong.

Me, Too

10/17/2017

Over the past several days, especially on October 16, something wonderful has been happening. People are making the incredibly brave, difficult, powerful, and selfless choice to share with the world that sexual assault is not a spectator sport that happens in the news; it is a game in which almost every woman you know has been, or will be, an involuntary player. Statistics are one thing. I remember learning that one in four women will experience a sexual assault in her lifetime, and it just blew my mind. My mom? My wife? My sister? Now my daughter? Pick one. It still keeps me up some nights. And as a man, this is on me.

Statistics, though, are funny things. See, they’re only based on the data available, not all the data in existence. We base it on reports, we base it on extrapolations, we base it on what we know. You’ve likely seen a huge number of women show that aforementioned bravery by posting with the hashtag #MeToo or using the two words on a social media post. Please don’t think that if someone is silent then she is not someone who survived those things. I would run out of fingers and toes if I tried to count the number of women who chose to keep those experiences to themselves. They’re not selfish or against the cause; they’re women who are still sorting through it, holding on to the only modicum of control they have over the situation (privacy), are in danger for disclosing it, are still experiencing overwhelming shame or guilt, or simply don’t want to. The whole point is that it’s theirs, not ours. They choose what to do and we are not qualified to judge.

After Las Vegas, Now What?

10/5/2017

I didn’t want to rush to post something just for the sake of posting something. Words are powerful, and they are often best communicated with some thought as opposed to with pure reaction. Of course that didn’t work out as well as I had hoped, so there’s a lot of thinking on paper in what follows. However, there’s no politics in this, as that is not my role in this capacity.

On Monday morning, when I heard about the massacre in Las Vegas, suddenly the traffic that I would face if I didn’t leave before the buses went on their routes didn’t seem to matter. The texts could wait. The lack of completed laundry, a necessary accompaniment to having a two-year-old and two-month-old, wasn’t as frustrating. All of these burdens stopped being burdens and started being things that, at that point, nearly 50 people would love to have. Their families and friends would give anything to have that be the worst part of their mornings. Around five hundred people were wounded, some of whom would add to the death toll, tens of thousands were traumatized in person, and millions more via one screen or another.

The little things ran through my head, as stupid as that might sound. “They were at a music festival, and now they’ll never be able to listen to Jason Aldean [who was playing when the shots began] again.” It’s not just the body count or the rounds per minute, those things were finite and, as horrible as they were, over. The shooter is dead and his fifteen minutes of infamy along with him. The pain, though, lasts forever. Not just in gravestones or scars but in the cost to individuals, couples, families, workplaces, everything. No song to come on the radio or Spotify or MTV (I heard they played a music video recently, maybe by accident) that was played at that concert would be safe. Each song would become a sonic trigger, for lack of a better word, to remind those survivors of what they survived; a reminder to those who had someone taken from them that that person did not.

In times like these, we are often quick to express a three-letter word: “Why?” We search for answers in order to gain some sort of control over the situation to prevent it from happening again, a reassurance that this was an isolated incident and not an ongoing threat, just for a reason for this to happen. With many perpetrators, we can point to xenophobia, homophobia, perversion of religion, severe mental illness, or something. Even four days later, the motive is unclear and looks more and more like it will not be known. So what do we do with that?

Well, nothing. There’s no reason, no cause, no explanation, and certainly no justification. We can try to do whatever it takes to prevent it from happening again, as I said I’m not delving into politics here, but what can we do as individuals to cope with this? As Mr. Rogers said, “Look for the helpers.” Look for the people who are doing good. Look for the people who packed wounded strangers into their cars to take them to the hospital. Look to the first responders who did what they do every day, just this time in a major event on a global stage. Look to the people who do things beyond sending “thoughts and prayers”, and emulate them. It’s poor writing to use two quotes so close together, but a mantra I live by is Gandhi’s advice to, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

In a weird way, I have the luck to not have to explain this to my kids due to their youth. But for your kids? Follow your instincts. Unfortunately we have a lot of experience with this, even just last year in Orlando. For children who are elementary school age, let them guide the conversation. Let them ask questions, and most importantly, make sure that they know that it’s okay to have questions. Don’t be afraid to say that you don’t know something. For teenagers, really, it’s the same. Ensure that your kids know that it’s okay to feel however they’re feeling, whether it’s scared or sad or they just don’t know how they feel. Remember: The most important aspect of talking to your kids isn’t talking; it’s listening.

Well, before this gets too long I’ll wrap it up. The sheer size and gravity of the situation puts it beyond SAT words and just relegates it to basic feelings. It’s infuriating, confusing, terrifying, and, well, it sucks. It just really, really sucks. As much as we’d like to, we can’t do anything about what has happened. We can, however, appreciate the people who do the right thing, the people who are close to us, and even the traffic when you’re behind a school bus. We can draw inspiration from those who actively try to make a difference, and we can inspire others by doing the same. The worst thing we can do is pretend that it never happened or get caught up in all-caps and stupid-gif debates on Facebook or Twitter or whatever hashtag-laden service you use. We don’t need to fight each other; we need to help each other. Outwardly and unquestionably express how you feel towards those you love, because you never know when it’s your last chance to do so.

In Response to the Falling of a Hero

4/27/2017

Cpl. Stephen Ballard

It was around 2:30 yesterday afternoon when I got a text from a friend, a group text with a bunch of guys in the neighborhood. I assumed it was just about the NFL Draft, but when I read that it involved a shooting nearby, I had to see what was going on. There was mention of an officer, at that point his name undisclosed, in critical condition after being shot earlier in the day at a relatively nearby Wawa. Now the alleged shooter was a couple of miles away, active. The now-named Cpl. Stephen J. Ballard died a true hero’s death, which was announced around 4:30 PM.

In the meantime, all schools in the local district were on lockdown. The shooter was barricaded inside his parents’ home just a little down the street from an elementary school and about a four-minute drive from the local high school. This neighborhood was not downtown Baltimore or Philly; it was an affluent neighborhood in which I could probably not afford to live. The sirens going by, the local Facebook group giving updates, the helicopters in the air. This wasn’t on the news; this was the news.

Medication Safety Is The Best Medicine

1/21/2016

I'll start this by saying that I don't endorse any product whatsoever, in fact I had just heard about this a few minutes ago and had a second to post it when I started this entry. Also, this is *NOT* a substitute or attempt for medical advice; always, always, ALWAYS talk to your doctor before making any medical decision.

We all know that teens are particularly attracted to smoking weed, but I feel like sometimes we miss out on the allure of prescriptions drugs as well. Who doesn't see a dozen or more commercials every couple of days for a new pain or sleep medication? Well, if you do, then so does your kid.

It's Good To Be Wrong

10/8/2015

Anyone who knows me in any sense knows that I love to be right. After all, when we're right, we feel validated in our opinions and how we present ourselves. We spend a lot of time, energy, and money (sometimes wisely, often poorly) to get where we are, and so we need to be right, or else what are we fighting for? For example, that last sentence had way too much punctuation, but dammit I typed it, so I found a way to somewhat make it work. It's about the principle! . . . or something. Who cares, I'm right! Sounds silly, but we'll get there in a moment.

However, a couple of Sundays ago I was reminded of an even better feeling than being right about sentence structure in a blog: Being wrong. My Washington Redskins have an absolutely ABYSMAL record against the St. Louis Rams. Lots of history there, almost all of it bad for us. I thought for sure that we were going to lose, and then we didn't. Every time that we would make a play, I told myself that it was an aberration and that an interception was coming on the next play (which turned out to be four days later). By the time we got to the closing minutes of the fourth quarter, I realized that we really were going to win, and it was fantastic. I was dead wrong and yet felt so alive!

The best thing that you can be is wrong. If you weren't wrong, then you're as good as you're going to be. Being wrong means that things could possibly be infinitely better than you think.

Life Constellations: How NOT To Make A Decision

7/6/2015

The other night I was trying to point out some constellations to my wife, who did her best to make sure to put on her best "pretending to care" face. We have an agreement where when I go Super Nerd on her and get excited about science, she doesn't tell me to shut the hell up. Marriage is compromise, after all.

It got me thinking, "Why do we have constellations at all? It's just a bunch of dots in the sky with random lines connecting them." Well, we're hardwired for pattern recognition, and we can't stand chaos (the Joker excluded). If we didn't recognize patterns (like how that sabertooth tiger has a pattern of trying to eat me), then our ancestors literally wouldn't have survived. We need familiarity and we need predictability because they give us some semblance of control over a world that couldn't care less what we think. It literally is a very small-scale version of a life and death situation. So what do we do when these patterns we so desperately want don't actually exist? We make them up! We create stories and then we try to convince ourselves (typically by trying to convince others) that we actually believe them. This isn't just connecting stars in the sky; this is how we make our choices day-to-day from who we consider a friend or foe, what job we take, and the everlasting questioning of "why" something has happened.

Define Yourself By Who You Are, Not Who You Are to Others

4/29/2015

I'm Jason Levin. I'm not a therapist, I'm someone who helps others through therapy. I am not going to be a dad, but I am going to have a child this year. I am not a husband, but I am a person who is married. I am not Josh's friend, I am not a graduate, I am not a son. I am Jason Levin.

Where is this all coming from? Well, I've seen a lot of people recently who are defining themselves by what their job title is, what friends that they have, who they're hooking up with, what habits or disabilities that they may have, and what GQ or "Fashion Police" say about their outfits. It's very sad to see people who have so much talent, so much yet-to-be-discovered ability, so much beauty that they don't see simply because others don't see it. These people strive to be everything to everyone at the cost of being nothing to themselves, and it has to stop.

Safe Words: Not Just For The Bedroom Anymore

3/26/2015

To those of you who know what is going on in the picture to your left, keep reading. To those of you who don't know, don't you have homework that you should be doing instead of making me feel incredibly old? This post may not be for you depending on how hardcore your parents are about avoiding any possible talk about sex. Don't say I didn't warn you (you're welcome for putting Taylor Swift's "Blank Space" in your head).

I have found that the crux of most problems in relationships, whether it's between those you love due to romantic feelings or those you love due to obliga-- I mean familial relationships. Most of the time it's not that the other person is being a jerk to you, he's just not getting his point across well (which, as I explore a little more in depth, is always the speaker's responsibility!). You're interpreting it a certain way based on what you're hearing, but often (read: almost every time) it's not what the other person meant. You then react to what he said based on your interpretation, probably in a snide way, which gets a bad reaction from him, and then it goes on and on and on. Don't you wish that you could just pull a Zach Morris and call timeout? Well, copyrights say you can't, but using a safe word is the next best thing. And doesn't require a ten-pound cell phone.

How To Get Started On Your Resolution

1/23/2015

As anyone who regularly goes to the gym -- like me except for the "going to the gym" part-- can tell you, there's a bunch of Resolutionaries (that's a real term, by the way) taking up all the machines in their Under Armour outfits that are so new that the tags are still on them. Happens every January 1, but it usually dies down after a few weeks once people realize that there's a lot more to it than paying $50 for a neon tank top with dry wick technology. There's a lot of work to it, and playing the part by wearing the clothes and paying the fees is the first step, not the only one.

If you're going to go, then that's awesome, and I'm not downplaying that. It's a hell of a lot better than other people do, and EVERYONE could benefit from it. Your doctor, if you even go to your doctor, will tell you to exercise and there may be a pretty strong medical reason to do so. That doesn't mean that you actually will follow through after nodding your head and then changing the subject. Wanting to improve is the same thing. Everyone could use it, many have very good reasons to but haven't gotten started, and some take the first step and get discouraged when it's not immediate. You're well on your way to being ripped but all you think that you see is that you're fat. Good news: You're wrong.