Okay, so initially I wanted to jump on this in the beginning of the school year, but life got in the way as it tends to do. Now that it’s a snow day, it gives me a little more time to putting words to this idea. And if I can’t do it at the beginning of the school year, then why not do it at the beginning of the calendar year?!?! #excuses #procrastination
I grew up in a place called Columbia, Maryland. Like other kids, I imagined that I’d grow up to be a football player (height/weight/athleticism/talent were the only things standing in my way). Later, after talking with my friend in fifth grade whose dog had died, I thought that maybe I wanted to be a therapist. I found out that it meant even more school after college, so I decided against it. Then I started pretending I was funny, and people started laughing. So I, naturally, was certain that I was going to be on Saturday Night Live and be a world-famous comedian. I applied to one school, an acting school you’ve never heard of, in New York. I got in, and I entered the comedy scene. Turns out that wasn’t for me even though I would’ve bet my life on it back when I was a senior in high school. I thought that I had it figured out, and I was wrong.
In my practice, I’ve been working with high school seniors since the class of 2012. In the short time since, a disturbing trend I’ve noticed is this sense of urgency for juniors and seniors to have their entire lives charted out before them. I’m not talking just about whether or not to go to college. I’m talking about having specific programs and professors and grad schools picked out, jobs narrowed down to titles, salaries, and positions. And it’s not just limited to them, adults are doing this too.
When we get down to it, it ultimately seems to stem from this idea of, "I don't know what to do with my life." Call me old fashioned, actually don't because my name is Jason, but isn't that the point of waking up each day? To figure out what you want to do and do your best to do it?
I don't like the word "should" or its synonymous phrases ("supposed to" and the like) because it implies that there's some absolute right way to do something. I'm dating myself here (sounds weird, hope my wife doesn't take it the wrong way), but if there's no wrong way to eat a Reese's, then how the hell could there be a wrong way to figure out what your goals are? You aren’t ever going to be mailed, texted, DM’d, inboxed, snapped, or hashtagged what to do with your life. That’s for you to figure out through exploration and experimentation.
I know, it can sound intimidating to not have a way to do things, because that’s what we’re used to. When we’re in school, we follow the directions for the assignment. When we’re at work, we do what our boss says. However, life isn’t like those things. It’s more like when we’re trying to put together IKEA furniture: You try to figure out what the hell this comic strip thing is, find out you’re missing screws, realize you’re pronouncing whatever the name is of what you bought wrong, and then do the best that you can given what you have. Sometimes it turns out to be what you want, most of the time you have to make adjustments. Every time you wish you bought some of those meatballs.
In all seriousness, it is absolutely critical to remember that your goal regarding the future is not to make the right decision; it’s to make the best decision you can with the information, tools, and abilities you have at the moment. Then tomorrow you do the same thing. Over and over. And it just gets better. In high school you may think that you’ve got life all planned and you have to follow it to the letter. Spoiler alert: You don’t, you won’t. And that’s a good thing.
To illustrate this, look at what you’re wearing on any given day. It likely fits your personality, what you like in life, what’s fashionable, and who you are right now. Okay, now look at a picture from ten years ago. Um, what’s with that hair? Why were you allowed out of the house in that shirt? What the hell were you thinking? Well, at the time, you were wearing what fit your personality, what you liked in life, what was fashionable, and who you were in the moment. Looking at that decade-old picture you’re thinking, “Ugh, why did I do that? That was a bad choice, and what I’m wearing now is what’s right.” Well, in ten years, you’ll look back on a picture of you today and be asking the same exact questions.
At any given moment, we either feel like we have it all figured out or like we should. The thing is, we never do. Here's a table to show what I mean because who doesn't like tables?
When we get down to it, it ultimately seems to stem from this idea of, "I don't know what to do with my life." Call me old fashioned, actually don't because my name is Jason, but isn't that the point of waking up each day? To figure out what you want to do and do your best to do it?
I don't like the word "should" or its synonymous phrases ("supposed to" and the like) because it implies that there's some absolute right way to do something. I'm dating myself here (sounds weird, hope my wife doesn't take it the wrong way), but if there's no wrong way to eat a Reese's, then how the hell could there be a wrong way to figure out what your goals are? You aren’t ever going to be mailed, texted, DM’d, inboxed, snapped, or hashtagged what to do with your life. That’s for you to figure out through exploration and experimentation.
I know, it can sound intimidating to not have a way to do things, because that’s what we’re used to. When we’re in school, we follow the directions for the assignment. When we’re at work, we do what our boss says. However, life isn’t like those things. It’s more like when we’re trying to put together IKEA furniture: You try to figure out what the hell this comic strip thing is, find out you’re missing screws, realize you’re pronouncing whatever the name is of what you bought wrong, and then do the best that you can given what you have. Sometimes it turns out to be what you want, most of the time you have to make adjustments. Every time you wish you bought some of those meatballs.
In all seriousness, it is absolutely critical to remember that your goal regarding the future is not to make the right decision; it’s to make the best decision you can with the information, tools, and abilities you have at the moment. Then tomorrow you do the same thing. Over and over. And it just gets better. In high school you may think that you’ve got life all planned and you have to follow it to the letter. Spoiler alert: You don’t, you won’t. And that’s a good thing.
To illustrate this, look at what you’re wearing on any given day. It likely fits your personality, what you like in life, what’s fashionable, and who you are right now. Okay, now look at a picture from ten years ago. Um, what’s with that hair? Why were you allowed out of the house in that shirt? What the hell were you thinking? Well, at the time, you were wearing what fit your personality, what you liked in life, what was fashionable, and who you were in the moment. Looking at that decade-old picture you’re thinking, “Ugh, why did I do that? That was a bad choice, and what I’m wearing now is what’s right.” Well, in ten years, you’ll look back on a picture of you today and be asking the same exact questions.
At any given moment, we either feel like we have it all figured out or like we should. The thing is, we never do. Here's a table to show what I mean because who doesn't like tables?
Age |
Thoughts |
10 |
Power Rangers are awesome!!! Girls are yuck! |
15 |
Power Rangers are so stupid. God I hope she likes me. |
20 |
Man, I can’t believe I dated that girl in high school. I can’t wait until I’m out on my own and totally independent. |
25 |
Life is incredibly more expensive than I thought. Am I supposed to be married now? Have kids? Have a house? |
30 |
Okay, now I’m maybe married with kids and a house,is this what happy is? Why don't I love it? |
35 |
I’m bored at my job. Do I need a new one? And wait, why are Power Rangers shirts considered retro? |
40 |
I wish I were 10 again. Life was so simple. |
No matter where you are in life, it’s not what you thought it would be, and the past looks like a combination of poor outfit choices and a simpler time. Whatever target you set today may not be where you ultimately want to go. You don’t, and won’t, have all the answers because you won’t ever know what the right questions are to ask. That’s the point, though. It’s equal parts thrilling and terrifying to live this way, not having the illusion of knowing how things turn out, but it’s the only way to find out where you want to go and move in that direction.
Don't get me wrong, I don't advise making stupid decisions like going on a spiritual journey by blowing your savings on trying to find the true value of pi or by doing anything illegal. I just see more success when people aim to make the right decision later on rather than the wrong decision because they feel like they have to have it all figured out right now. No matter your age, it’s not too late. Things didn’t “end up this way” because they haven’t ended. You can still make changes. You’re not beholden to your age or what you wanted to do ten years or ten minutes ago.
I just wanted to put that out there. Don't feel rushed to figure out your life. That's what the rest of your life is for.
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