Ever since I graduated, I have loved this commercial. It's just so invigorating and inspiring to see our youth going back to school to get that sacred education. As much as they dread going back, we know that kids secretly admire the incredibly hard work that their parents and teachers put in to them memorizing when to use "there", "their", or "they're" and what the capital of Guam is. Also to not end a sentence in a preposition like the one before this one.
There is almost nothing more annoying than having teenage children who know that they can do better in school, but for some reason, they just choose not to. Parents do their best to encourage them to reach their potential, and teenagers do their best to block out this encouragement. Why? Not because they want to disappoint you, but you're doing exactly what your parents did to you: Nagging. (you can replace "parent" and "child" with"spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend" and the same concepts apply) A very rare thing in my field is to find someone who has available appointments in the evenings. Well, I do Monday through Friday, all the way until 8:30 PM!
A lot of times people call and want to meet, but due to shift work or child care, daytime appointments can actually be easier. As I always say, if you're reading this, then things are tough enough. This process should be as easy as possible, so due to this demand I have expanded my hours to accommodate real life. You know, that thing that always seems to get in the way. Beginning August 1, 2013, my hours are: Monday 9:00 AM - 8:30 PM Tuesday 5:30 PM - 8:30 PM Wednesday 5:30 PM - 8:30 PM Thursday 1:30 PM - 8:30 PM Friday 9:00 AM - 7:30 PM You can always set up an appointment via this website, e-mail, or by calling (302) 464-0021. I look forward to now spending my days in addition to my evenings working with you to make life better. Remember: Nobody said that it would be easy, but nobody said that you had to do it alone. Happy New Year! . . . well, maybe.
January 2, 2013 at 6:07am January 1, 2013 Almost all of us counted down in unison to the beginning of the 2013 calendar year. Sometimes we look back and reflect, thinking, "What in the heck was I thinking? I didn't work hard enough to make ends meet, my significant other is mad at me, I didn't get into the school that I wanted. This year will probably be more of the same." Other times, we look back and revel in our victories, "Wow, 2012 was a blast! I'm thrilled with this new house, my kids are doing well in school, and I love this job! This year is gonna be great!" It's literally the first day of the year, and we're already missing the point of what New Year's Day: The idea of a clean slate. No, that speeding ticket won't get taken off of your record just because it's now 2013, though I do know someone who got out of a ticket because the officer wrote the wrong year on the ticket! (Funny story that I'll tell you when we meet). For some reason, people believe that their new Justin Bieber, Audrey Hepburn, or Washington Redskins calendars (or the one that they gave you at school or work. I'm sure that it's nice, too!) mean that the past didn't happen, and fortunately that isn't true. All of those awkward steps on our path to living the lives that we want to live were still taken. Bad purchases were made (Ugh, did I *REALLY* need that Wii U?), hearts were broken, parents split, and people close to us left this world for another. The good things happened, too. You're still looking for that perfect job, you found an awesome place to live, or you finally graduated, or you found that special someone (or left the one who really wasn't; that's a victory just by itself). So yes, it's a very GOOD thing that we don't get a clean start automatically, because we want to break out those calendars and start with today! Think about the goals that you have for yourself. New job? Less weight? More confidence? Finding "the one"? Well, look at your calendar. You did it. Just by reading these words, you have started that journey towards your goals. Mark that down on your calendar right now, because today is when "this year" begins! Every second is a brand new opportunity to make life what you want it to be. The most important thing to do is to set realistic goals, and it's having realistic goals that will be the diference between looking back on this year as a success and looking back on it as a waste of time. What are your goals? Do you want to smile more? Figure out how to save this relationship, or to figure out if saving it is the best choice in the first place? Do you want to fall asleep easily at night knowing that you're well on your way to making these accomplishments? Well, I'd love to work with you to reach those goals, so give me a call, send me an e-mail, inbox me, text me, whatever, and let's get this year off to a great start! Remember: Nobody said that it would be easy, but nobody said that you had to do it alone! "He's 15 years old and doesn't appreciate me!" Well, he does, just not the way you want him to.2/25/2012 "This kid just doesn't appreciate all that I've done for him. He just sits in his room all day and does who knows what!" This is something that comes out in a lot of family conflicts, either as something starts a battle or something that comes out during a fight about something else.
With families, this happens most often between a child in the teenage years and whoever is in charge (parent/guardian/whatever your family calls it). Take the role of a parent who is wondering if her/his child is even still alive in her/his room. For readability's sake, we'll say that it's Mom and her son. You go upstairs, knock on the door, always knock!, and ask something along the lines of, "Honey, you all right in there?" Your kid then responds, if you're given any response at all, "Yes, I'm fine, go away!" Okay, what did the son really say here? A) Come on in and ask me what I'm doing. B) I'm doing drugs/having sex/worshipping Satan. C) I really wish that you would go away. The correct answer: None. If you answered A, then consider a teenager's room like a bathroom: If he's in there, then not only are you going to see something that you don't want to and probably get a whiff of something even worse, but you would be violating his privacy in a severe way. If a door is closed, then let it be closed unless there is a real reason to suspect that your child is in legitimate danger. No, having his clothes all over the ground and the music being too loud are not legitimate hazards. If you answered B, then you need to think about why that's the first thing that you thought of. There's some work to be done if your initial thinking is that your child is doing something that you're adamantly against. In a later post, I'll talk about how you as a parent can judge whether or not you're getting the message across to your child that you mean to get across. (Here's a preview: You're not.) If you answered C, then you're right . . . ish. He wants you to go away, and you should respect that. A simple, "Okay, well dinner is in fifteen minutes, so have fun and I'll see you at the table!" will be fine, and then actually go away. A very easy way to break your teenager's trust is to say that you will give him his space and then not actually do it. Yes, his hearing is much better than yours, so no, you didn't fool him by pretending to walk away, and yes, he can see your shadow under the door. You know that he's not as sneaky as he thinks that he is, and you aren't either. The reason that the correct answer is "None" is because he's actually responding positively by acknowledging that you are checking to see if he is okay. You can do this every single day and always get the "I'm fine, leave me alone!" answer and then convince yourself that you're bothering him, that he takes you for granted, that he hates you, etc. The day that you don't do it, though, he will notice, and he will miss it. While you may take some satisifaction in this, you've actually hurt him, and no parent takes satisifaction in making her child feel bad. What you've been doing by "bothering him" every day is letting him know that you care, letting him know that you are unconditionally always there, letting him know that he has someone to come to if things aren't as "fine" as he says, and letting him know that he is important. Remember when he was half his age, and he loved when his mom or dad would stop by to say hi or show interest? How it made them feel cared about, important, and worth a grown-up's time? Well, that didn't go away when body hair and the need for deodorant (whether he uses it or not is a different story) came along. He will always be your baby, and you will always be his mommy/daddy. Keep in mind that he's not telling you to go away; he's telling you to love him the way that he needs you to even if it isn't the way that you want to. Ignore the rude words. Ignore the snappy tone. Focus on why he's saying it: He needs you to be the one person who will always be there. Not the people on magazine covers, on his iPod, on his Facebook, or any other part of his life. New people are on magazine covers every month, a song goes from being "the best song ever" to "so last week" in the time that it takes him to download it after he pays for it by himself (on your credit card, of course), and Facebook friends disappear before you can figure out what meme it is that his friend posted on his wall (or even what a meme is). Cutting through the choice of words and tone of delivery in order to get to what your child really means isn't easy, but remember: Nobody said that it would be easy, but nobody said that you had to do it alone. |
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